Catalyst
by theShipperOfManyShips
Summary: They have always considered Mikey a catalyst, a constant in their ever changing world, but when the Hamato family finally realizes that no one is always unaffected by what you say, and sometimes even more by what you don't, they also find that catalysts can precipitate change. This is a story of change, of consequences, and of family, but most of all, this is a story of catalysts.


Author's Note: No Beta unfortunately so please excuse any grammatical errors. I wrote this over the summer when I got REALLY into TMNT 2012 and was working through a lot of my own stuff. Mikey is my baby, and I sometimes get really mad at how's he's treated in the show and how he doesn't always get the character depth the other 3 do. Anyway I scoured the fanfics for Mikey-centric and was a little surprised their weren't more. Here's my Mikey-whump and family feels fic, it was originally planned as a multi-chapter, but I might leave it as a one-shot. Idk. Hope you enjoy and please review!

* * *

"Mikey, what the shell was that supposed to be? No, never mind, I need to treat Leo's leg right now, but when I'm finished we are going to have a talk about this!" Donnie bit out through clenched teeth, his shell turned to his only little brother as he rooted through the Shell Raiser's cabinets to find all the medical supplies he needed.

Raph let out a low growl of agreement as he hurriedly carried an injured Leo through the door and past Mikey, rushing to the makeshift cot in the back of the ex-subway-car-turned-turtle-battle-vehicle. Leo, gritting his teeth in pain, but very much awake and aware, was therefore the only one who noticed Mikey's flinch at Donnie's angry and fearful exclamation. As the door closed behind the red and blue-banded turtles, Mikey took one last look at the ash-snow mixture falling from the sky, evidence of a job-well-done and effectively distorting the otherwise peaceful snow-covered landscape. Donnie then rushed to Leo's side with an armful of clear liquid bottles, syringes, and stark white bandages from his previous location digging in the cabinets. Leo's eyes flickered over to his brainy younger brother as Donny worked on his leg, occasionally letting out a quiet hiss of pain.

"How's it look, Doc?" Leo chuckled humorlessly, voice low and rough from the pain.

Raphael's grimace deepened.

"Not great, but it could be worse I suppose. It's broken again, but it's not nearly the level of severity you experienced last time. There's also a nasty gash, but your clotting factors should do their job soon. Overall your leg should be all right in a few months I think, but you're going to need to be careful on it if you don't want to injure it further, Leo. I mean it." Donnie mumbled, a pensive frown on his green face as he started wrapping up the now cleaned gash of the oldest brother's right leg.

"It's his right leg, Donnie, the same one as before, are you sure-"

"Yes, Raph, I'm sure. His leg will be fine as long as doesn't try to train for at least two months," Donnie assured his concerned, hot-headed brother.

"And, Leo, when you inevitably start trying to train in a week, make sure I'm there. I'd prefer to be there instead of having you sneaking around and not telling me when you make it worse. And, Raph, I don't care how much you think you're helping, _do not_ attempt to spar with him until I give the okay," Don continued chastising his two older brothers.

Leo and Raph both nodded solemnly, painful flashbacks of bathtubs, crutches, and forests merely simmering under the surface for the moment.

Leo, now feeling somewhat reassured, took a moment to switch the attention of his gaze from his purple-banded brother to his orange-banded one.

"Mikey? Are you okay?" The leader asked, a new frown, this one concerned and troubled, now made its home on his face as he observed the way-too-light green pallor of his youngest brother's face.

Mikey didn't even seem to hear what Leo had asked him. His eyes were wide in something akin to horror as he just continued staring at Leo's right leg from where he stood near the Shell Raiser's closed door. Raph and Donnie both looked up to also stare at Mikey upon Leo's concerned question and now both were looking their baby brother's form up and down as they tried to determine if some unknown injury was the cause of the youngest's unusual behavior.

As Leo was stuck in his half sitting position on the makeshift cot and Donnie still had his hands full of bandages and an injured brother's leg, it was Raph who took a step forward towards Mikey, puzzled concern tightening up the features of his usually scowling face.

"Bro, you okay?" He asked, taking another step and then another, quickly closing the distance between the two. After one more step Rapheal was in front of his statuesque brother and therefore blocking Mikey's line of sight. Mikey gave a noticeable jump in surprise, as if he had no idea how Raph had gotten in front of him. Now that Mikey was making eye contact with his red-banded brother, Raph placed his right hand on Mikey's shoulder as if to steady him.

"Mikey, bro, you with us now?" He asked, searching his brother's eyes for some kind of answer.

"Yeah, Raph, I'm okay, just tired, sorry I worried you," Mikey replied, the ends of his mouth curling up in an attempt at a reassuring smile. Judging by the ever deepening line of concern on his hot-tempered brother's green brow, however, the smile did not achieve its intended effect.

"Anyway," Mikey said, swallowing thickly and leaning to the side so he could see his other two brothers again, "I'm really sorry you got hurt because of me, Leo. You know, again."

The effect of the orange-banded turtle's words on the atmosphere in the small, high-tech refuge was instantaneous. The mood changed from concerned with a touch of nervous energy to one of barely contained fury.

"Thanks for the reminder, shell for brains. WHAT THE SHELL WERE YOU THINKIN'!"

Well, mostly contained fury.

"If Leo hadn't pulled that crazy ass stunt of his, we'd currently be down a numbskull. What was going through that tiny brain of yours that made you think trading your life to save ours was an _okay_ thing to do?" Raph continued shouting, his arms raised over his head, nearly brushing the top of the vehicle in exasperation as he leaned forward into Mikey's personal bubble.

Mikey laughed nervously, his usual joking grin missing in action.

"Dude, I know you're like constantly angry at everything, but you know it was the only option that made sense at the time," Michelangelo said calmly with a weak smile, shrugging his shoulders.

"You complete idiot! How do-," Raph started bellowing again, before Donnie quickly stepped over and, using his rather boney elbow, effectively communicated, 'shut up, before you make the situation even worse' to the irate Christmas-color-themed turtle.

Raph ground his teeth in annoyance and let out sounds Mikey imagined an angry pit-bull might make, but he did stop yelling and take a step back to let Donnie work his magic. Over Donnie's shoulder, Mikey could barely see Leo's unwavering gaze on him, the blue-banded turtle's face slightly scrunched as if he was trying to figure out a rather difficult puzzle. Leo's body was tight, each muscle seemed to contain the tension of a recently tuned guitar string at the current situation, but before Mikey could worry about how that might effect Leo's injury, his attention was once again drawn back to the brother in front of him by a hand on his shoulder. Burnt russet met baby blue.

"Mikey, what do you mean the only option that made sense at the time? Raph, Leo, or I could have-"

"Donnie, be real dude. You three were vital to the next phase of the mission, which, just in case you forgot, was kind of super important for, you know, saving the city and all that." Mikey couldn't help rolling his eyes at his immediate older brother's tendency towards being over dramatic.

The fingers still resting on his shoulder tightened, almost painfully, and Donnie's face became pinched in an emotion Mikey couldn't put a name to at the moment.

"But, Mikey, you were just as important to the next phase! Why-"

"Look, bro, it's only natural that I'm the one sacrificed in that kind of situation, because out of the four of us I'm the extra baggage, the nuisance. Sure, me not being there would really REALLY suck, but you could've still pulled off the mission without me," Mikey laughed, not understanding why his brother's seemed so upset about what had happened, or at least why they were focusing on this particular part.

Mikey blinked in confusion as he looked around at the horrified faces of his three older brothers. The sudden silence burned his ear slits as he mentally reeled at the inability to understand why his brothers were acting this like this.

"Mikey, what are you saying?" Eventually came the soft, serious question from his injured brother on the cot. Leo's face was obviously pained and Mikey had to wonder why the pain meds hadn't kicked yet, even if the dosage had been light -after all, Leo would never consent to anything that would impair his judgment or make split decisions.

"Come on, bros, why are you making such a big deal about this? If one of us _has_ to go down for the others or the sake of a super important mission, then of course it should be me! I'm way more expendable to the team than any of you, shell, missions might even run _smoother_ if I wasn't there most of time. Look, can we please just head home and pick up some pizza on the way? I'm _starved_ and I'm sure Master Splinter is really worried about us right now."

With his famous grin back in it's usual place, Mikey missed the panicked, horrified looks his brothers sent each other as he closed his eyes and made an eager sound at the thought of eating pizza.

* * *

The ride back to the lair was awkward to say the least. Three awkward turtles and one very perplexed turtle are kind of a recipe for it after all. Michelangelo occasionally tried to diffuse the tension with a few light-hearted jokes, but his three brothers just exchanged looks with each other every time. Mikey didn't understand what exactly he was missing, but it was officially starting to irritate him and stress him out. Whatever good mood he had regained at the thought of eating pizza for dinner had evaporated in the wake of the guilt he felt every time Leo flinched in pain from the bumpy ride home.

Donnie's quick explanation of how they needed to get Leo back to the lair ASAP, and how pizza would be too big of a detour also did not help the matter of Mikey's mood.

Once they had arrived at home, Donnie immediately instructed Raph to help Leo to his lab, so he could look the leg over with his equipment, just in case he had missed something.

Just as they made it past the turnstiles –which required a bit of fancy maneuvering in order to get Leo across as painlessly as possible- that marked the entrance to the Lair, a familiar voice reached them.

"My sons! What has happened to Leonardo? Are the rest of you unwounded?" Master Splinter asked, his eyes flying over each of them in turn, noting the scrapes and bruises each possessed while also noting his youngest's most peculiar behavior by the Shell Raiser's entrance.

"He broke his leg, Sensei, but it's a small break, probably in his right fibula and as long as he isn't too careless it should only take about two months to heal. Other than some bruises and minor scrapes I think the rest of us are alright," Donnie explained.

It did not escape Master Splinter's notice when his most intelligent child's eyes trailed from his own in uncertainty near the end of the explanation.

"I see. Perhaps it would be best for us to continue this conversation in your lab, Donatello, as I can sense there is more to this story," Master Splinter replied, growing increasingly uneasy at his youngest son's uncharacteristic behavior.

Raph slung Leo's left arm around his shoulders while Master Splinter did the same for the right as they helped the slow moving turtle hobble into Donnie's lab. Donnie rushed ahead to get the x-ray machine started, but just before the purple-banded turtle vanished beyond the lab entrance, a plaintive and unsure voice sounded from the entrance of the Shell Raiser.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" The youngest turtle asked, wringing his hands nervously. The three other turtles paused to glance at him and then each other, noticing how his eyes moved between them skittishly before settling on the floor beneath his feet. Master Splinter watched on, taking in all his sons' reactions and expressions.

"I think Master Splinter, Raph and I can handle everything for now, Mikey, but I'll make sure to let you know if I think of anything," Donnie said slowly, his eyes quickly leaving Leonardo's to stare back at Mikey.

"Oh, okay. Just thought I'd, you know, ask," Mikey quickly replied, shrugging his shoulders and flashing an unsure smile.

Donnie bit his lip as he studied the way his younger brother shuffled his feet. He looked to Leo and Raph to see if they had any ideas. While Raph's expression resembled a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck, Leo's brow was furrowed in thought.

"I am kind of hungry, Mikey." Leo finally said, flashing Mikey a quick grin of his own. "Just maybe not pizza noodle soup, or any of your more… creative recipes."

"Nutrients are going to be vital for Leo to heal quickly, however, so maybe dinner would be nice if you're not too exhausted?" Donnie rapidly added on, silently thanking the katana-wielder for his quick thinking.

"Alright, dudes, I think I can whip up some yummy, nutritious-filled grub for Leo here. Call me if you need anything else though! Promise!" Mikey yelled as he started skipping towards the kitchen, a real smile plastered on his face.

The other three turtles rolled their eyes at their youngest brother's antics, but Donnie made sure to hum in agreement to the hyperactive ninja's request.

Donnie then disappeared into his lab while Master Splinter, Raphael, and Leonardo continued to slowly make progress across the Lair's floor.

"Now that your brother is no longer here, perhaps you can share with me what has caused such troubling behavior from him and that you do not seem to want to speak of when he is within earshot."

"Mikey tried to sacrifice himself for us, Sensei… We managed to escape before anything happened, but when we got upset at him for it on the way home… he just didn't seem to understand why we were so upset. He also called himself the extra baggage and a nuisance to the team. He acted like it was only natural for him to give up his life for ours in that kind of situation." Donnie managed to explain eventually.

Master Splinter couldn't help but note how his bo-wielding child kept glancing at the lab door. The old ninjitsu-master hummed in thought, the claws on his right paw smoothly stroking through his long, gray beard.

"Hmm, that is troubling indeed, Donatello. Perhaps, if you are not in need of my assistance further I shall go speak to Michelangelo in the kitchen and attempt to see what might be clouding his heart."

"I think I'm good for the moment, Master Splinter, I just need to make Leo's cast and grab the crutches I have stored away from the last time we needed them."

Master Splinter cast one last wary, concerned eye to his three older sons before carefully extracting himself from Leo's limbs as he and Raphael finished placing the katana-wielding –well ninjaken-wielding really he mused- turtle in the medical bed and made his way out of the lab, closing the lab door behind him.

A heavy silence filled the lab as Donatello walked towards his two older brothers. While it was true that Donnie wanted Leo in his lab because of his injury, an x-ray wasn't strictly necessary- he may be a mechanic and not a doctor, but he'd at least dealt with enough of his brothers' injuries to know that this injury wasn't too bad, certainly nothing a cast couldn't fix and definitely not worth the extra radiation exposure to their already unstable, unpredictable DNA. Donnie had made a slight show for the sake of getting Raphael and Leonardo in a place where they could talk without the possibility of Mikey overhearing.

"We need to talk."

"No duh, Fearless. I mean what the shell is Mikey thinking? He was talking as if him self-sacrificing is natural or somethin'. How did he even get that idea into his head in the first place?"

The three entered another piece of silence, this one pregnant with unspoken emotion.

"Guys, I think… I think it might be our fault that Mikey feels this way." Donnie finally answered, the words breaking through the somber silence only to leave an even heavier atmosphere in it's wake.

"What do you mean, Donnie?" Leo asked from his position on the medical bed. His eyes had a shadowed look to them, the guilt already worming its way inside of him before even hearing the explanation- guilt and Leo were old friends after all.

Raph, who was sitting on the stool next the Leo's bed after having placed Leo's twin ninjaken blades on the other side, just stared at Donnie, his lips drawn into a thin, tense line.

"Well, I mean think about it. We haven't always been the most, uh, motivational older brothers for Mikey. Sometimes I think we're a little harsher on him than we necessarily intend." Donnie worried his lip again after he finished speaking, his mind racing to pull out what he knew from reading psychology books in the past.

Donnie frowned to himself as he realized his knowledge of psychology was mostly limited to PTSD –he had Leo to thank for those particular sleepless, coffee-filled nights- and more general information. Obviously he was going to be spending the rest of the evening and probably all night researching for more details on developmental psychology.

"I don't know, Don, I mean sure we can get on his case sometimes, but it's not like that's anything new. We haven't been on him too seriously in the last week anyway, what with the world being in danger and all, so what could've caused him to suddenly want to pull a Leo on us?"

"Hey!"

"Oh come-off it, Leo, you're always pulling that self-sacrificing, noble bullshit, so don't try to deny it!" Raph huffed, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

Leo scowled at his hot-tempered brother, before proceeding to cross his arms over his plastron, lean further into the pillows behind him, and look like the poster-child for a disgruntled, sulking teenager.

Minus the mutated turtle part.

"As much as I would love for our dear eldest brother to stop pulling such self-sacrificial acts," Donnie agreed, giving Leo an angry glare that said turtle blatantly sulked through, "that isn't the point of our conversation right now. Mikey is."

The sulk visibly vanished from Leo's posture as he was reminded of the issue at hand.

"Donnie, are you saying you think Mikey has a usefulness complex or something?" Leo voiced in concern.

Donnie was silent for a moment as he pondered over his brother's question. The way Mikey had answered their questions earlier did point to a disorder in that direction, but somehow it seemed deeper and more of a systemic type of mentality.

"I think I need to do more research before I can give you a more definite answer, but I think we may be looking at some sort of self-esteem issue, possibly even…." Donnie trailed off, worrying his lip again as his right hand curled around is chin in deep thought.

Raph and Leo shared a wide-eyed look, before turning their attention back to the purple-banded turtle.

"Don?" Raph finally voiced in question.

Donnie visibly started at his brother's voice and blinked a few times.

"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking of some of the more complex dynamics Mikey's issue could be attributed to, but I think until I do more research my potential hypotheses could be more detrimental than beneficial and might even over necessarily complicate the current situation."

At the slack-jaw, glassy eyed looks Leonardo and Raphael were giving him, Donatello face-palmed and sighed.

"Basically, let's just leave it there for now until I know more. I want to learn more from Mikey on the issue, but I don't want to press him too hard. Getting Mikey on the defensive or triggering any kind of potential, negative emotional reaction is something we want to avoid right now," Donnie mumbled, exasperated.

* * *

Mikey sighed as he stirred the broccoli, cheddar, and potato soup with a large wooden spoon. His baby blue eyes flitted quickly in the direction of the lab door, before returning to the tasty, but healthy dish in front of him on the stove.

 _They've been in there for a while…. I wonder if Leo's leg is really going to be okay? If I'd only been stronger, or at least realized they didn't need me to bail them out like that, then maybe his leg wouldn't have been broken…_

Mikey sighed again, his lips pursing together in irritation. Catching his own reflection in the metal part of the stovetop, Mikey paused and shook his head as if to clear it of unwanted thoughts.

 _I can think about these kind of things later, right now though I just need to make sure this soup is as mouthwatering and healthy as possible for Leo! Man, wait until the guys get a taste of this._

A grin replaced the previous look of irritation as Mikey went back to soup, reaching for the saltshaker.

"Michelangelo, my son, how is dinner coming along?" The familiar voice of Master Splinter said, as said the aforementioned giant rat made his way into the kitchen, walking stick in furry, clawed-hand.

"Sensei," Mikey greeted.

Mikey put the salt down and started stirring again gently as he turned to his adoptive father and grinned.

"I think Leo's going to love it! I even made a recipe that I knew had cheese in it, just for you, Sensei!" Michelangelo exclaimed excitedly, nearly vibrating with sudden energy.

"Oh? And what recipe is that, my son?"

"Broccoli, cheddar, and potato soup! I wouldn't make anything with broccoli if it was just me, but Donnie said Leo needs lots of nutrients and you can barely tell its there with all the cheese and potatoes – which are a dynamic duo for your taste buds in any dish!" Mikey laughed at his own joke, imagining a triangle of cheddar cheese and a potato in superhero costumes.

Master Splinter's nose and whiskers twitched as he smelled the soup his son was preparing.

"It smells wonderful, my son. I'm sure your brothers and I will enjoy it immensely."

Mikey hummed in agreement as he reached for the black pepper. He expected Master Splinter to leave at this point and go check on Leo or something, but as he stole a glance towards the kitchen entrance and quickly back to his soup he realized his Sensel was still there, just staring at him silently.

"Uh, Sensei? Ice Cream Kitty can grab you a cheesesicle if you can't wait until dinner, but otherwise I think the soup will be ready in about ten minutes or so?" He hedged, getting slightly uncomfortable under his adoptive father's unrelenting gaze.

Master Splinter just hummed in acknowledgement, but otherwise continued as he had been, silently staring as Mikey put the stirring spoon to the side as he adjusted the burner level. Finally, Mikey couldn't take it anymore.

"Did I do something wrong, Sensei? Whatever it is I promise I didn't mean to and I'm really really sorry!" Mikey anxiously pleaded, his voice shooting up several octaves.

Master Splinter's ears and whiskers twitched in unison at his youngest son's words.

"My son, why do you assume you have done something wrong?"

"Why else would you have come in to talk to me, Sensei?" Michelangelo said taken aback in surprise at the question.

"Is it wrong for a father to desire a moment with his son?" Splinter responded, seeming equally taken aback at Mikey's reaction.

"Well, no, it's just that, well," Mikey paused, swallowing thickly. "I mean I would understand if it were Leo or even Raph or Donnie, but, you know," Mikey shrugged and pointed to his face, "I've got the orange headband."

"I do not understand what you are trying to imply, my son. Are you suggesting that I never spend time with you? Or are you suggesting that I am colorblind?"

At this point Master Splinter's ears were back against his head, although Mikey couldn't tell if it was from irritation or disappointment. He also couldn't tell which reaction he was hoping for less.

"Yes? Wait, no! I meant no, uh…." Mikey spluttered in panic, eyes flying wildly around the room in search of a potential rescue and hands gesticulating wildly. Eventually he just ended up with a wide abashed smile and all the I'm-too-adorable-to-be-mad-at expression,which was naturally and rightfully his as the baby of the Hamato family.

 _Maybe Sensei's here to share one of his confusing, incredibly roundabout –or maybe blatant and straightforward if I actually paid attention- lessons or 'guiding morals' as Leo liked to reverently call them? Or maybe he's here to chew –no pun intended- me out and tell me he's disappointed that I had caused Leo to get so hurt? Or maybe…_

Mikey would never know the answer to his questions, however, because at that particular moment, wildly gesticulating hands met pot handle and warm broccoli, cheddar, and potato soup met the floor, ceiling, and Master Splinter's face.

Flinching at the crashing sound that occurs when a metal pot is accidentally hurled onto a solid linoleum kitchen floor, Mikey stared in abstract horror as a particularly large drop of cream-colored, green speckled glob made its way down a increasingly curving whisker before losing the fight against gravity and falling to the floor with a solid _plop_.

The next few moments were spent with Mikey making half-strangled high frequency squeaks and he rushed to get the nearby paper towels and dishrags in order to help clean the no longer edible dinner from Sensei's fur. During this chaotic attempt at cleaning, Splinter mostly just blinked, startled at the change of atmosphere and wardrobe. When the skilled master ninja finally processed his new facial mask and looked down at the young turtle cleaning potato and broccoli bits off his robe, said turtle was grinning sheepishly back.

"So, Sensei, has anyone ever told you that cheese is a really good look for you? It gives your fur a very glossy look," Michelangelo nervously laughed –if Donnie were here, he would probably take a moment to clarify that nervously laughing is redundant because laughter _is_ a nervous reaction-.

Master Splinter held out a clawed hand in a clear indication for Mikey to hand him some of the paper towels. After Mikey did so, he quickly wiped the soup from his face, the fur clotting with cheese in the few spots he missed around his nose.

"Hmm, no, I do not think I have ever heard someone tell me that before, my son," Splinter stated calmly as he wiped a paper towel down his cheesy beard –pun intended–, "but I shall make sure to take your beauty advice into consideration in the future. For now, however, I think I shall retire to my room so as to finish cleaning the chunks of vegetable from my fur. Perhaps we should order some pizza and sushi for tonight's dinner? Just make sure to add something green other than green jellybeans or peppers to a portion of the pizza for our healing Leonardo."

"Hai, Sensei," Mikey complied, sighing.

"Aw sewer bunnies. Of course I had to screw it up when we were finally having a conversation, er… kinda" he mumbled after Master Splinter had retreated behind the paper door of his room.

Mikey sighed again, picking up the fallen pot and depositing the offending object in the sink.

As Mikey looked around the broccoli, cheddar, and potato soup splattered kitchen, Mikey could practically _feel_ something wither inside of him. He clenched his fists until his knuckles turned whitish-green and swallowed back the dark, twisting feelings rising up in his chest.

 _I'm fine. This is nothing compared to what the others are going through. I'm being silly. Come on, Mikester, get yourself together. You just need to clean this up and deal with pizza things. Pizza will make you feel better, pizza always makes everything better._

With these thoughts in mind, the little turtle set to work with a determined smile on his face.

* * *

"What the shell was that?"

"It sounded like something fell? From the kitchen I think."

"Raph, can you go check on Mikey? He might've hurt himself on accident. And don't forget what I just said about being careful when talking to Mikey right now!"

"Shell for Brains probably just started getting bored. I'm more worried about our Lair remaining intact. Be right back," Raphael said gruffly, rolling his eyes and making a show of taking his time to get out of his chair, trying to be the picture of nonchalance. Donnie had to use a hand to cover a snicker, however, as Raph's steps became hurried in their goal to reach the lab door. Pausing at the door only long enough to send Donatello a scowl– which Donnie took to indicate he hadn't been successful in his hiding attempts–, Raphael passed through the Lair's main room to the kitchen, where an admittedly delicious aroma seemed to be originating.

He could only see a small splash of green –a foot or more specifically the tips of toes, it took a few seconds to register- poking out behind the long stretch of cabinet and counter that divided kitchen from game area. Not seeing the rest of his baby brother from where he was did _not_ make him break into a run and noticeably make his heart attempt to run a marathon, damn it!

With a nauseating mental image -a green and orange head smeared in crimson, and facedown and motionless against a cream-colored linoleum kitchen floor-, Raphael sped into the kitchen area and around the large rectangular cabinet. The hotheaded turtle pulled up short as he took in the scene before him.

"Mikey, what are you doing on the floor?" Raphael blinked in confusion. Now that the feeling that was _not_ concerned panic receded from his thoughts, the turtle realized that there was creamy, globular substance with green and brown specks all over the floor. His eyes followed the mess up the wall only to gape in further confusion as he noticed the substance on the ceiling as well. His youngest brother was on his hands and knees in front of him with a once-yellow-and-white-stripped, now-just-kind-of-creamy-substance-covered dishrag gripped loosely in his right hand. "And what the shell happened in here?"

"Oh, hey, Raphie!"

"Don't call me that, Mikey!"

"Well, it's kind of a funny story, bro, you see Splinter was here and was staring at me all ninja master like, which of course makes sense after all 'cus he _is_ a ninja master, but anyway, we were talking and he thought I was calling him colorblind or something, though that totally wasn't at all what I meant, and then I accidentally hit the pot handle on dinner, which was supposed to be broccoli, cheddar, and potato soup, 'cus you know I was thinking Leo needs healthy and what's healthier than broccoli, but broccoli is nasty so I added potatoes since everyone loves potatoes and then cheese 'cus I thought Master Splinter would enjoy that and cheese can also make almost anything taste good, but-"

"Mikey! Slow down and breathe, you numbskull. And stop rambling so you can just get to the point already," Raph interjected, his right palm and fingertips slipping down his face in exasperation.

Mikey nodded -blue eyes flashing with an emotion that Raph couldn't quite name, but set off his big brother instincts in a bad way- then took an audible gulp of air before continuing his story.

"So like I was saying, I hit the pot handle and the soup went flying and ended up getting all over Master Splinter. He was actually talking to me and then _of course_ I screwed up again… He went back to his room just now to clean off the soup and told me I should go ahead and order some pizza for dinner 'cus I ruined the soup and all…. So I just finished calling Antonio's like 30 seconds ago or something and was gonna try and clean some of the mess up before I leave to get it. Please don't be too mad, bro, I really didn't mean to…" Mikey pleaded, baby blue eyes looking up at him from the floor.

Raphael's first instinct, to absolutely no one's surprise, was to get mad. He couldn't even understand why he was angry, it's not like he had any aversion to ordering pizza after all, and Master Splinter covered in soup was a pretty amusing mental image. The fiery turtle had to take a deep breath, trying to center himself as a voice -that sounded suspiciously like a certain purple-banded ninja's- whispered in the back of his mind that _now_ would not be a good time to let his anger and words out half-cocked.

"Why would I be mad, bro? I've thought the kitchen could use some redecorating for a while now anyway. "

"Uh, because you're always mad, Raphie, especially whenever I screw-up, which is also pretty much all the time. And I know you and Donnie are super worried about Leo and making a healthy dinner was supposed to be the one thing I could do to help since it was kinda mostly my fault he got hurt to begin with," Mikey told him, a puzzled expression on his face.

Raph frowned, too preoccupied and unsettled by what his little brother was saying to actually protest to his childhood nickname. Finally though, his anger a mere moment ago and his current unease finally settled in his mind enough to determine the cause.

"Mikey… Do you really think you're such a screw-up and that we're only worried about Leo right now?" Raphael voiced, heart in his throat.

He hadn't meant to actually say the words out loud, but impulsivity and surprise combined with the sickening, gut-wrenching horror of his revelation made the words come out unheeded. Raph had thought he had understood what the implications of Mikey's words on the way back from the mission. He thought Donnie's own reflection had made the issue even clearer to him, but somehow it hadn't been _real_ until just now. He thought it wasn't _so bad_ until the adrenalin on the mission and concern for Leo were no longer so new and his baby, prankster brother was standing in front of his telling him _these things_ as if he wasn't hurting himself with his own words –and there was no way Raph would believe Mikey _wasn't_ hurting himself with his own words even if subconsciously, because no one could say those kind of things about themselves and _not_ end up causing themselves pain-.

"Well duh," Mikey frowned, "What's eating you now, bro? You're acting weird. Who else is there to actually be worried-Wait! Did you or Donnie get hurt too and I didn't notice? Are you guys okay?"

And suddenly Raphael felt the first real tendrils of fear worming themselves into his heart. This didn't seem like just a damn usefulness complex anymore. He may not know as much about this kind of stuff like Don did –actually, he's pretty sure after Don finishes researching, there wouldn't be _anyone_ who knew more than Don–, but he'd caught enough from those overemotional TV shows Master Splinter loved so much to know that this was _bad_ , potentially dangerous even.

Raphael was now officially scared for his baby brother.

And _Raph_ had never really handled being scared well.

"I'm the one acting weird? Mikey, you're the one we're worried about 'cus you've gone nuts! You're suddenly acting like you're nothing, but a damn screw-up or something! As if we don't need you around, and you're some kind of burden to us and the team! What do you want from us, huh? For me, or Leo, or Don, or even Master Splinter to tell you we'd be better off without you or some such nonsense?" Raphael yelled, Donnie's previous words of caution buried under the sudden, heart-choking fear and the resulting anger.

Fear that this wasn't an enemy he could stab a sai through to defeat. Fear that he didn't know how to help, fear that he didn't have the power to save his baby brother from himself.

Mikey, he dimly noted under the haze currently clouding in his mind, was on his feet now, facing Raph.

"Well what the shell am I supposed to think, huh, _Raphie_ , when you all seem to go out of your way to remind me so often! You even told me yourself that I'm hardly a ninja, and nothing but a screw-up!"

"No, Mikey, that's not, we didn't mean–"

"You dudes have made it crystal clear that none of you want me around on missions! I don't even know what Master Splinter thinks of me, 'cus he never really talks to me outside of training or to lecture me! Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me that it's not true that, yeah, maybe you dudes would be better off without me around to always make a mess and get you guys hurt! Tell me, _Raphie_!" Mikey screamed back, sounding like he was choking on something. Sounding like he was _crying_.

"And now, now I've really screwed up, and Leo's _hurt_ because of me."

Raph then noticed, still feeling like his mind was in some kind of twisted, unpredictable red fog, that it didn't _just_ sound like Mikey was crying, the freckled sunshine of a turtle _was_ crying, face all scrunched up and covered in red blotches.

And suddenly all the fight was out of Raph's sails and he wasn't getting angry at _how could this of happened to_ Mikey _of all turtles_? He wasn't getting angry only because he felt like he couldn't breathe right, like those tendrils of fear had grown and multiplied over the course of Mikey's rant to the point that they were strangling his heart and clogging his throat. Or maybe his heart had suddenly moved and was now sitting in his throat, suffocating him.

"Mikey, you can't possibly believe what you're saying," Came a quiet, strangled sounding voice from Raphael's right.

Vaguely, Raph recognized it as Donnie's voice and out of the corner of his eye saw a flash of blue and green that could only belong to his older brother in the lab doorway. Distantly, the detached thought occurred to him that Leo was probably using a crutch or the wall or some other aid to keep the currently crippled turtle standing.

Something was wrong with his vision, it was starting to get as splotchy as the soup-covered kitchen and _damn_ , Mikey looks like he might have gotten shell-lash from how quickly he turned to look at the new arrival on the scene. _Why can't I breathe? Where is Mikey going? He can't leave right now. I need to tell him- tell him- why can't I breathe?_

"Raphael, listen to me!" Donnie was suddenly shouting at him, hands on both of Raph's shoulders – _When had he gotten there?_ –and crouching down on both knees because Raph was sitting on the floor – _When?_ – with his back against the wall.

"Raph, I need you to breathe, okay? I need you to watch me and try to copy how I'm breathing, okay? Here's a paper bag, I need you to hold it over your mouth while you're simulating me."

Donnie pushed the brown bag against Raph's snout and Raph, managing to obey the calm, familiar doctor tone in Donnie's voice by pure force of habit.

He watched the gap-toothed turtle take a deep breath in and then out, in, out, paper bag over his own mouth expanding and shrinking as he tried his best to match his brother's breathing tempo. It took a few minutes of this pattern before Raph felt like he was actually able to breathe on his own again and his awareness of his surroundings started seeping back in.

The first thing he registered was Donnie, hands still on Raph's shoulders, looking concerned and yet strangely relieved at the same time.

"Okay, you're doing great, Raph, just keep the- no, don't move the bag yet, you still need it. Just keep taking deep breaths, Raph, it's almost passed now."

The second thing the red-banded turtle noticed was a large, clawed hand was gently -and yet somehow still firmly?- gripping his right shoulder next to Don's larger green one. As he looked up at his very concerned Sensei, he also noticed Leo standing a few feet away, looking terribly lost, as he stood with the support of a crutch under each arm and a new casted foot raised a few centimeters off the ground.

"D- Donnie, what just happened to me?" Raph managed to ask after another minute of steady, deep breathes the purple-banded turtle made him take before he allowed Raph to move the paper bag away from his snout.

"You had a panic attack, Raph, a very serious one."

"Are you feeling alright now, Raphael?" His father asked, gripping Raph's shoulder just a little more firmly, almost as if seeking some physical form of reassurance as well.

"Hai, Sensei. I feel a lot better now, but why did I-" Raph trailed off, as he saw Donnie, who had by now released his immediate older brother's shoulders and scotched back slightly to give Raph some room, and Leo exchange a familiar concerned glance.

It only took another second or two for Raph's mind to finally recall what had just happened between him and Mikey and all the disturbing things that had led up it.

"MIKEY! Guys where's Mikey?"

"Raph! Calm down, we'll fill you in, but you need to promise me you'll trying to keep as calm as possible, the last thing we want is for you to have another panic attack," Leo stated, hobbling a little closer, making the crutches click against the kitchen floor with each movement.

He nodded in agreement, swallowing the initial panic that started gripping him once again in earnest. He was so fixated on the potential answers from his older brother, that Raph barely noticed Donnie stuffing the paper bag back into Raph's left hand, _just in case_.

"Donnie finished making my cast and giving me crutches for my leg not long after you went to check on Mikey. Considering your usual ability to temper your words and rage, Donnie and I were concerned enough that we decided to go see how things were faring. We were just leaving the lab when you started yelling at Mikey, and then Donnie left me in the doorway to try and stop you and do damage control, but then-" Leo shut his eyes in anguish for a brief moment before continuing, "then we heard what Mikey shouted back, and Don tried to talk to him, but I think we spooked him or, or, _something_ ," Leo made that helpless face again at this, "and the next thing we know Mikey's shouted something about picking up a pizza and dashed out of the Lair."

"I was going to follow after Mikey to talk to him, but then Leo noticed something was really wrong with you and you weren't breathing right. When I realized you were going into a full blown panic attack, I quickly grabbed one of the paper bags, which are useful for modulating the levels of oxygen you're breathing which-"

"Don," Leo interrupted.

"Sorry, it's the stress. Anyway it took a minute to finally get you to realize I was trying to get your attention and to listen to what I was saying, but you eventually were able to match your breathing to mine. Sensei came out to see what was going on right after I grabbed the paper bag," Donnie finished explaining, sounding worn and exhausted.

"I was washing the soup from my robe and fur when I heard shouting and grew concerned," Master Splinter explained solemnly, his left hand still planted reassuringly on Raph's right shoulder.

For Raph's reassurance or the giant rat's own though, the emotional turtle couldn't decide.

"I'd say it's been about twenty minutes since Mikey left at this point, but I can't decide whether someone should go after him to make sure he's alright or if it might be a better idea to give him some space and time to sort out his thoughts. It's a rather delicate situation and I haven't had the chance yet to do some proper research…." Donnie mumbled, glancing at the kitchen clock and worrying his bottom lip again with his front teeth.

"I think the wisest course of action would be to give Michelangelo a little more time, I believe that he will return, as he will be worried about Leonardo receiving the nutrition he needs to heal properly. Perhaps in the meantime we can help him by cleaning up a bit, however. He never has been very fond of cleaning up after himself," the old rat spoke sadly, rising from Raph's side as his eyes roamed the still soup-splattered kitchen.

"Fine, but if he's not back in the next forty minutes, I'm gonna go search for 'im." Raph promised, hiding his face behind an arm, which was resting on his kneepads, not having risen from his previous position on the floor.

Leo's head, which had been turned towards the entrance to the Lair, jerked sharply back to his immediate younger brother when he heard a barely audible sniff coming from the curled turtle.

"I'm sorry, guys, I really messed up bad this time. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you better, Don, I never meant to push him like that, I swear," Raphael said miserably, voice rough with emotion and guilt heavy like an iron-weight in his chest.

"I know, Raph. We'll fix this and everything will be okay again, I promise," Leo pledged, his head turning back to the Lair entrance to give Raph some semblance of privacy.

Donnie just gave a soft hum of agreement, before he grabbed the washcloth off the floor and began to clean. A sniffle came from the lanky turtle's direction, but nobody commented.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, when Leo turned his gaze from the rerun of one of his favorite Space Heroes episodes –which he was having trouble actually enjoying strangely enough– to the Lair entrance for probably the tenth time in the last two minutes, he realized something had changed. Reaching for his crutches and using them to close the distance between himself and the turnstiles, Leo realized there was a new, still warm pizza box on top of the center turnstile.

Heart constricting painfully at the sight, the oldest turtle lunged forward desperately, giving a shout of alarm as he tripped through the right rotating turnstile and landed in an ungraceful, very non-ninja heap on the floor not far from the parked Shell Raiser. Ignoring the pain coursing through his broken leg, Leo looked around wildly, already knowing what he would find.

There was no Michelangelo in sight.


End file.
